Sigh

I don't know how should i be feeling right now.

Thankful or sad?

Thrilled or heartache?

Thankful, for being able to save my baby from drowning.

Sad, for the loss of my as-good-as-new-less-than-1-year-old-handphone, all my photos, videos, sound recordings while i saved my baby.

Thrilled, for the fact that i'll be getting a new handphone.

Heartache, for having to unnecessary money on a new handphone when i can spend the hundreds on something else better.

What should i feel? Sigh.

But then, if the situation to be reversed, such that in order not to lose my handphone, i carefully took it out from my pocket before i jumped into the pool and for that mere seconds ticking by, i lost my child.

If that were to happen, i think i would have committed suicide by now for being such a self centred, materialistic, selfish mother.

So, i guess i know what i should feel but i cant exactly feel it, you know.. for some obvious reason.

My beautiful Panasonic VS2

p.s: Would you believe me if i were to say i actually had premonition on what was gonna happen like 15mins before the incident happened?

I really did.

I even told myself that if the accident were really to happen, what i'll do before that is to throw my handphone to wherever, be it on the floor, the bench, anywhere.. before i jump into the pool. Having a scratched hp is better than no hp.

Too bad i didn't, even though i could have coz before i jumped, i even managed to think should i or should i not but i didn't for not wanting to waste even a mili-second trying to get my hp out.

Oh well. I made my choice but i just cant stop dwelling about it. Ugh.