Me no like..

when i read the paper yesterday. Life section to be exact.

Sigh.

I don't wanna grow old.

I fear growing old. In fact, i fear getting older year by year. If possible, i would like to freeze this second, this minute right now.

I fear not because i will look old and ugly.

I fear not because i will get wrinkles or the skin will sag.

I fear not because i will start balding.

I fear..

because i know i will start losing my loved ones one by one.

I know it is inevitable but i still do.

Sometimes when i've got nothing better to do and start thinking about it, i do end up crying. Silly isn't it? But i can't help it. I cannot imagine how my life would be if any of my loved ones were to leave me one day. To be honest, until today.. i have never lost anyone i love deeply before. I was born into a life without grandparents from both sides since day 1 and everyone i have from day 1, i still have them now.

I do not know how it feels like to lose someone dear to me and i don't wish to know.

So yeah, reading the article on the super centenarians somehow brought me tears. I felt sad when i read that one of them actually wish to be dead. She actually outlived everyone she knows. Her husband, children, siblings and friends. Sigh. I think i would too if i were her.

But for now, all i can do is pray for good health for everyone i know of, especially my parents and my family members.

And i also secretly pray that i will not outlive my children and my husband.

Yeah, i know i do complain about the husband here and there [not romantic lah, kayu lah, dunno how to play with the kids lah etc but then, which wife/gf never complains about their other half?] but ultimately, he is the only one i ever want to be with for the rest of my life. And if i can choose again, hb is still the person i wanna be with for the rest of my life.

I think if hb ever goes earlier than me, i'd also probably go after a week or 2. Too heart broken they say?

And you know what? I think if my parents are really going for the Europe trip with my sisters next March, i'd definitely join them. As for the Shanghai trip with the gfs in March (as well), i think that can wait a while even though i'm dying, really dying to go with them. No more dilemma already. Good good.

Lives cannot be taken for granted. Life is unpredictable.

Gotta go call mom now. To tell her how much i love her. And for the dad, i'll just pass the message. Too shy to say it out right! Heh.

p,s: this post doesn't sound right hor? Too much thoughts to pen it down. So just anyhow write :P