What i want..

** very personal and long. Not suitable for the unkind ones.

Friends, relatives, family always ask me this but friends especially.

As some of you might know by now, most of my very close girlfriends are quite something in their career. High achievers and have very good jobs.

So naturally, because they care.. they kinda worried for me, me being a stay at home mom - full time, no working experience, no 'real-world' experience, no nothing, basically, still quite naive and very much the same old girl they know back in Secondary school [which is why they are very protective of me in a lot of situations eg ; when i accidentally got drunk last year].

They'll go..

What if something happens to my marriage? What am i gonna do? Financially?

Will i ever work? What? Where? When? How?

Yada yada yada.

The girlfriends even discussed this issue once among themselves and then talked to me on a very serious tone over dinner one time when we had a chance to meet up. Yes, they care that much. But mostly, because they don't want to see me wasted just like that, they say.

Because they think if i do go to work, i can do quite a bit, according to them of course *ahem*.

But the thing is.. i had already let it go, albeit a bit reluctant in the beginning.

If i have only 2 choices, family/love or career.. i pick family/love. I know i wasn't like that long ago but i guess my priorities changed as i age, even though i was only 19. I don't just fall in love blindly and take the next big step. I know what i want and till today, i still know what i want.

And i think. A lot.

You'd be very surprise that i actually have almost all the answers to everything that has got to do with my life, even in awkward situations.

But as for now, what do i wanna do with this life of mine? [provided if all goes well lah *fingers cross* :P]

I'm gonna continue to do what i'm doing, a full time homemaker. Believe it or not, i love my life now... more than any other lifestyle i could think of.

After that when beep is 3 and start going to school, i'm gonna start working part time. Because i didn't have that piece of paper, it'll be hard for me to look for normal jobs and man, i'd be 30 then! Who in the world would wanna hire a no experience, no everything 30 years old mother?!

Yeah, i have thought about that too, quite embarrassing actually.. so, what's left for me to do?

Sell property/ insurance/ join MLM?
Hb will be the first to say NO.

Sell my bakes?
Hmm.. as much as i like baking, i realized i won't be able to sell my bakes for long term after my short stint of doing so few months back. I dislike the inflexibility to bake what i want to, what i feel like. I dislike baking something over and over again when what i really want is to try out new recipes. Unless i'm like super famous and have strong customer base who trust me 100% and let me pick what i wanna bake for them instead of being asked what to bake for them, then it's another story aye? But that is like so so impossible because to achieve that and if it's indeed possible, i will still need to do the conventional way first to earn my customers' trust.

Help the husband out?
That, is an option. But if possible, i think the husband will not want me to.

Then, i thought of being a yoga instructor.

Ooooo yeah!!

I love practising yoga. It's another passion of mine. And i think i'm pretty good at it. Uh huh.. i am! :P

I dare not say and will never say i'm good in baking because i don't think i am and honestly still think i'm an amateur, but when it comes to yoga, i dare say i'm pretty good :Pp

Of course, i haven't mastered everything yet and i still have a lot more to improve which is why i only thought of teaching when beep is 3. I have 2 years more to further improve myself.

I did consult my instructor before on this and it seems that if i want, i can actually take up the yoga instructor course now!

But but.. cannot lah! I don't think i am good enough yet and secondly, can you just imagine if my students can do better than me? What will they think?

Just like how i can do most postures better than my relieve instructor. If it's just 1 or 2 postures, it's totally fine because everyone has their own weakness but most postures? Hmmm.. But then, admittedly.. she's good at teaching and i do enjoy her class quite a lot :)

Guess i am quite a perfectionist when it comes to issues like these. I just don't wanna do it now knowing i'm not that good yet and furthermore, beep is only 1. I still wanna be with him 24/7 =)

So yeah, yoga instructor it is - what i want.. though it's nothing much if were to compare to the gfs but i like. I'll do it on part time basis so that i'll still have time for the boys. And nope, i will not open a small yoga school, like what my mom has been hoping for because it's too much of a commitment for then and even for the next 15 years to come.

Perhaps when the boys are married.. then i'll think again. Heh.

p.s : i just realised that i've got 5 classmates [including bestie] who became a doctor, out of the 20 odd classmates whom i still keep in touch with. Not sure if there are more [total : 39 students].. Shites! I'm so not gonna go for any reunion man... I never did actually. Hee..